Why I Like It

Okay, so, it's become apparent that there are a lot of misunderstandings about m/m and why people read it.  It's important for those of us who like the genre to formulate our own reasons for why it appeals, else, as has been proven, others who do not read it will make up their own reasons for us, and we might not agree with them.

But it's actually easier said than done, this whole analysis of the sweet sticky delight that is m/m.

  I've thought about it a lot, and even limiting the exercise strictly to my own personal feelings on the matter, my theories shift and change.  Usually, several are true at the same time but one will take the forefront, becoming, for a span, the truest reason.

Lately, I've been finding that the more I think about gender identities and reader identification, the closer I seem to get to one of my most important reasons.  Essential to this approach is the fact that as a girl, I grew up identifying with male characters.  Since by and large, the boy characters got to do the interesting stuff, and be the heroes, that was where my identification was as a reader.  This is true for other women I've spoken with as well.  I think it's extremely common.  So, when you talk about a woman reading a story with two male protagonists, chances are she is identifying closely with one or both of them and doing so effortlessly.  At least I am.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm fine with being female.  But in all honesty, I'm not so fine with many of the things my culture says being female means.  I don't have children and I don't feel terribly drawn to them.  I learned a long time ago that spending a great deal of attention on my appearance -- clothes, makeup, hair, shoes, and on and on -- is a total waste of my time.  And in a similar vein, waiting around for a guy to express interest was not a successful strategy in my dating years.  Plus it drove me nuts.  I could go on but you get the picture.  Many of the accoutrements that go along with even the assertive, kickass Buffys of the fiction world are, for me, uncomfortable baggage at best and at worst, a total squick.

An example of the squick end of the spetrum comes in the form of Strokes of Midnight, a Harlequin Romance a friend gave me for Xmas.  This is one of those romances where the relationship between the woman and the man doesn't entirely get off the ground until the hero humiliates the heroine, and breaks her down, and forces her to realize that by being her own person she's unwittingly become a cold and unnatural creature, and only by submitting to the power of his love can she be redeemed.  This, for me, is the antithesis of hot.

But what about the powerful heroine whose inner strength overcomes all, who submits to no one, who drop kicks bad guys and takes her love interest to bed on her own terms?  Well, okay, that's a lot better.  I'm glad there are a lot more of these type of female characters now. They rock.  But here's the thing, and this is not a criticism of the character type in any way, but just my personal reason why reading about men is still better.  She is strong and powerful and dangerous... in opposition to the dominant cultural paradigm for a woman.  The passive role is still present in the reading of the story, because she exists in contrast with it.  She is fighting the gender power structure.

That's important.  But it's also a lot of work.  It's what I get to do every day, even though I don't drop kick ninjas or wear black leather.  Still, I tangle with people's expectations on a fairly regular basis and I've gotten pretty good at managing that with the twin tools of charm and nerve.  Nevertheless, when I want to relax with a story, I don't want to read about someone else dealing with these things.  I want to leave the whole gender role thing behind.  Drop it like a load of chain mail and just be a person.  Reading (and writing) from a male point of view, I can do that.  There's no female-role-associated baggage anywhere for as far as the eye can see.  It's fantastic. 

As my hub pointed out, there is certainly baggage associated with male gender roles in a story about men, BUT, it's not my baggage, and is therefore invisible to me.  I am free.  Patriarchy is still rolling along out there and it'll still be there when I get back, but meanwhile, I'm outside of it, reading about and identifying with two people falling in love, and nothing more is assumed about me, or asked of me.

So, that's one reason I like m/m.  What about you?

Comments

[Nicole T.]

The most annoying thing about women liking m/m is that it's an uphill battle while it's considered totally within the norm for guys to dig on f/f. A guy can easily defend his choice with, "It's hot." Yet if a woman says the same thing, her choice is considered weird. Cripes.

[Zathyn Priest]

A reader told me the reason she loves m/m fiction is because it lacks the bull**** of straight relationships. Being a gay male, with a not so great history with relationships, my first thought was...'Ya think?'

Then when I thought about it I realised the point was probably the entire fantasy of m/m fiction. Rather than read the traditional strong male/weak woman romances, m/m is a combination of so many things traditional m/f romance many times isn't. It's a glimpse into the unknown and who doesn't like a dash of voyeurism every now and then?

[Anne]

Yeah. Another one of the things I like about m/m is reading about men being emotional. And the harder they fight these powerful feelings that finally overwhelm them, the more fun it is. Historicals are great because there is so much stacked against heroes, and the stakes are so high.

[Erastes]

As you've said - it's because I like the interplay of men.

A lot of men are not able to talk to each other, and in historical an author is able to push that even further. Surely when a man is under danger of being hanged, he'll find it even more difficult?

[Anne]

Hey, thanks everyone for your comments. Good post, Jules. Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts, K.Z.

Has anyone talked to any Japanese boyslove fans? The part in Jules's post about it being a way to avoid sexual anxiety is reminiscent of some of the remarks from Japanese BL fans at a panel I was on at Worldcon in Yokohama last year. One woman said that culturally, women in Japan are embarrassed by their bodies and their bodily responses, and boys love was an end run around that. I've also heard some people say that gay male sexuality is non-threatening to some women for whom het male sexuality feels like agression.

Anyway, the bottom line for me is that I am tired of being dismissed or treated like a perv for liking m/m. I think that m/m is part of a larger phenomenon where women are beginning to express their true sexual interests and desires, and therefore this is a feminist issue. I hope everyone keeps talking about it because that is how we will put the lie to the misconceptions.

[K. Z. Snow]

Superb post, Jessica. I share your mindset in nearly every regard.

I might come back and reply at greater length once I gather my thoughts on this. (It's a busy day!)

[Jules Jones]

My all purpose answer, from a couple of years ago when I decided that I needed something I could point at when the topic came up... :-)
http://julesjones.livejournal.com/143897.html

[AJ Llewellyn]

Hi, this is a very interesting blog. I am a gay man and I write M/M erotic romances but I am frankly stumped by some of the questions female writers ask me as they are branching into writing M/M fiction. I think it's important to understand that women who read M/M fic are women who like men!! I've had women write to me saying, "would it hurt if somebody tortured you?" Of course it would! I personally don't like to read sadistic, sexual stuff in any category M/F or M/M. Great blog!
A.J.

[Jeanne Barrack]

I read and write both f/m and m/m and soon will have a book out that uses the theme of menage as a parable about balance.
Why I read m/m and now write it stems from a desire to explore new avenues of sensuality and romance and, yes, sex.
I do put myself into my characters.
But as someone who has also performed "trouser" roles in opera, this means becoming the character - whoever he or she is - and embracing them!
Same reason I can sing a Christmas hymn like "O Holy Night" with all the fervor of a devout Catholic even though I'm a devout Jew.
My characters and those I read about become another aspect of myself

[Anne]

It's not that I dislike the strong female characters, it's just that reading about them is not, for me, escapism. And a fair share of my pleasure reading is geared toward escapism.

[Cheryl]

Interesting. I can't stand that sort of romance novel either. I don't share your aversion to strong women characters, but then if we all liked the same books the world would be very boring. I shall be interested to see what other people say.